Something You May Not Know About Me…

So as Brittney, Kim and I were walking yesterday I was reminded of a little movie I was in…So I decided to look it up again and check out what people were saying about the movie.  I’m so glad that I did, because I read the funniest review of the movie EVER!  My cousins will definitely crack up at this because I know they watch it every year.  Anyway, the movie is called Wee Sing The Best Christmas Ever… and here is the review…oh and in the movie I am Nelly Smith.

“By Bobbi Valdes "mariachristina" (Chicago)

Let me just say, I give this DVD 5 stars simply because it brings my family and I so much joy not only around the holidays, but whenever we’re in the mood for something so frighteningly atrocious that it’s laughable. My sisters and I discovered the DVD in our cabinet a couple years ago and it’s been a tradition in the home ever since.
I think it best to give a brief plot description as I see it. The story goes that Gusty (a rather old-ish and nubbly-looking elf in Santa’s workshop) is lowering the net production output of the factory because he is clumsy and sometimes lightly taps his thumb with a hammer or his knee on the bench and then whines incessantly about it. Apparently, this is a problem of gargantuan proportions. And because these six elves are in charge of creating all of the toys for the millions of Christian kids in America, Poofer the elf is discharged to Santa’s dwelling so that he may come and restore any semblance of skill Gusty once had.
Now, here’s the first problem: if the elves would cease their fervent dancing and control their urges to repeatedly shout their names in a manner than suggests totalitarian mind control, they would probably get more work done. Also, if they stopped trying to carve porcelain dolls and leather footballs out of small wooden blocks, they would probably be more productive.
Poofer goes to retrieve Santa but is instead BLOWN OFF COURSE a couple thousand miles into the home of the Smith family, who are all sporting ugly sweaters and over-zealously decorating their tree. The children in this family are very diverse. Nelly and Johnny could possibly pass as related. Will looks like a younger, stupider version of Kevin from the Wonder Years (also, someone please give Will some medicine. His nose is very, very stuffy throughout the movie). Susie is the family’s new toy, it seems, made in China. Perhaps she learned English from other Wee Sing movies, because she can only speak in poem and rhyme and never once partakes in free-verse like a normal human being. Pull a string and the toy talks.
Poofer remains unnoticed under the Smiths’ tree while a group of radically diverse carolers, nay, the very quintessence of diversity, appears at the door, carols merrily for a while, and demands entrance into the home. As the children perform their pre-choreographed dance to a cheesy tune banged out by Chris on the piano and the lone wheelchair-bound caroler on recorder, mom swoops in like a bird wielding a tray of hot chocolate that no one ends up drinking. Susie recites another poem (hand gestures included) and Will shows his pride in her like he would a racehorse ("Amazing, isn’t she?").
Poofer’s decides that he needs to "poof big" ("Staaand back, please!") in order to get noticed. The children stand in utter confusion over the man in colorful Christmas-themed sweat gear who has clapped his way into lifesizeness in the middle of their living room. Seriously, UTTER confusion: "Santa? North Pole? Snowflake? Reindeer? Barn? Snowflake?" is all they can muster up.
Mom and Dad, instead of protecting their children from the possible serial killer/child molester in their home, invite this man to play with their Christmas decorations, starting with the angels on the mantle piece. The angels, by the way, are as diverse as the carolers: you’ve got a few white ones, a few black ones, a couple of Asians, and one or two of unidentifiable heritage thrown in for good measure. He makes the angels sing and thus proves to the Smiths that Poofer is undeniably, reliably, incontestably an elf in Santa’s workshop. What’s more, the family is convinced they can cure Gusty of his ridiculous, exaggerated problem. They’re all poofed small and wisked away to the workshop.

The Smiths walk in on a spectacular scene: the elves hard at work making the toys to compensate for Gusty’s ill contribution. Actually, no. Snooter hammers an unimportant part of the wooden car on her bench. Thooner has a saw in his hand but evidently doesn’t realize its function. They assemble into a choreographed dance number and perform it through the stage’s fourth wall. It is at this point in the movie that the viewer should start blaming the Christmas-panic not on Gusty and his "fumbldy fingers" but rather, on the constant procrastination and mal-education of the other elves Santa’s employed.
While everyone is exploring the workshop, Susie reverts back into the only thing she knows: poems. She recites a darling little poem about a snowman whose carrot nose gets violently consumed by a bunny; after which, Poofer’s reaction is one of "I’m sorry… what? Was there a purpose to that?". The other children assure Poofer that this is Susie’s natural state, that this is merely homeostasis for her. Will takes it further and eggs her on for another rhyme ("What do you think of THIS?").
Back at Gusty’s bench, the family tries to diagnose the predicament. As it turns out, only Susie is capable of understanding the complexities of the situation. She notifies Santa, who Poofer has retrieved for the purpose of curing the poor wretch of his ills. Suddenly, Santa is struck with the truth: Gusty needs glasses… and only one man can save the day.
That man is Dermy. Dermy makes glasses. Dermy is, like Susie, stricken with a speech impediment: except, not one that procures poems, rhymes, and riddles; but rather, one that causes him to repeat every thought, every MINISCULE thought, twice. He presents Gusty with a suitcase full of pre-made glasses and Gusty chooses a refined pair that look precisely like Santa’s. Santa pompously assumes that Gusty only chose them to emulate the bearded creep ("Those look nice, Gusty, but you don’t have to pick them just because they look like mine"). Gusty then proceeds to try on the same pair of glasses over and over, the only difference being the amount of green and red sequins glued to them. He finally settles on a lovely, half-red/half-green number that makes him look like a flamboyant, disco-era Elton John.

Apparently, there are only three possible prescriptions: 1) ridiculously too close for comfort, 2) through a paper towel tube, 3) just right. AND apparently these glasses have magical powers, because they make Gusty work in fast forward.
The main problem of the plot is solved but there still remains half an hour left in the movie, so there must be some filler. Santa sketchily brings Johnny into the back room to ask him what he wants for Christmas. Santa is a little too touchy-feely with Johnny than is comfortable. After that awkward interlude, Santa sends the Smiths away, back to their home so that they may anxiously anticipate his coming.

Miraculously, the toys get made in time. And on Christmas, while the Smith family is sleeping in their sickeningly cute matching sleeping bags, Santa, Gusty, and Poofer (who is wearing the precursor to Ugg boots) crawl down what must be a ridiculously wide chimney. Santa almost steps on the children several times. At some point, the three start a conga line in front of the fireplace. Apparently, nothing’s been done to cut down on the procrastination these elves hourly exhibit.
The Smiths awaken to the gifts that have been placed under the tree. Replacement toys for ones that were lost or chewed up are bestowed on mom and dad. God knows what Santa finally decided to give Johnny. And then–a lovely sight: the atrociously animated sleigh in the sky that evokes "I can’t believe it!"s and "It’s beautiful!"s from the family members.
Let me reiterate, I have never, NEVER seen such a horrendously made movie. But what is one to expect from Wee Sing? From 1990? If your family has a sense of humor similar to my family’s, this movie is fantastic for making fun of and for producing inside jokes that will last for years. My sisters and I consider it a part of our childhood. A classic? No. But sure to provide you with much entertainment. “

So if you are interested in watching it, just ask me to borrow it.  You can see me be the worst actress EVER!